Aside from being romantically insecure, a lot of romance comes my way and I never know what to do but to be silent and let it take its course.
Last weekend, despite not wanting to go out, I dragged myself out for the sake of it. I felt like it was needed, I feel like its always needed actually. Anyway. I went out with my roommate, met this guy, dragged this guy to edgewood because the party was coming down to trash levels. Parties always reach trash levels when you talk to everyone at least once.
I forgot how much I hated edgewood when I got there and it was late anyway so we walked back to car and talked about my apparent “popularity.” He insisted on showing me the best place in atlanta at 3:30 in the morning, I’m always down for new sight so I allowed it, not even 100 ft from the bars where everyone seems to know me and where i sit on the corner by myself because shy and chain smoke was a large piece of land, with a pond settled in the middle of it and the trees protected it like 12 stone soliders ready to slice through your breath once its security was breached. We were quiet though, the ducks were louder than us. We sat on a bench facing this mystical pond, placed in the middle of the fucking city and he pointed out constellations to me. “Thats orions belt, I actually have that tattooed on me… And thats the bigger dipper, thats the north star.” I knew these constellations but shut up and listen to his voice regardless. I unraveled and settled comfortably in his chest while staring at the trees. “You like tress, he asked pearing over my fro.” “They talk to me,” i responded. The moon was so big and bright, it was our only source of light, he listened to me as I talked abut my family and my craziness and my anxiety and I felt his fingers on my face bringing it his slowly he muttered “i’ve been wanting to kiss you” 3 seconds before he kissed me.
I get nervous at these things, I don’t like new shit except shoes, I don’t like opening myself up again it propels me in anxiety. But that night I swallowed the hesitant movements and cupped his face and kissed him back and stopped and rested my head on his chest. It was getting late and I was ready to go.
4:45 we were on the way back to my loft, his radio played Stevie wonder and he told me about his family, his aspirations, his likes and funny stories. There was my loft, here were my kisses and slamming of his car door and the opening of my front door and then bed.
I haven’t spoken to this boy since then. Its quite romantic.